• What happens after marriage?

  We were in Love; there was no love stronger in the world.  Now, we hardly communicate.  We lost the spark, the flutter of the heart ... Why?

  Many times we express our love to one another in different ways due to our personalities, upbringing and backgrounds.  It's like someone telling you that they love you in Chinese.  Well, unless you speak Chinese, you will never understand.  You might even think that they are annoyed at you or simply don't like you!

   

• Keeping my investments (Love) at peek

  St. Paul indicated that all human accomplishments that are not motivated by love are empty.  Although he talked about Faith, Hope and Love, he said "But now abides faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love" (1Co. 13:13).

  We all have the need for affection and love.  It is the need to feel that I belong and I'm wanted.

   

• Falling in Love

  When we're in love, the experience is euphoric. we are emotionally obsessed with one another.  When we rise that person is the first thought on our minds.  Spending time together is like being in heaven.  

  Unfortunately, studies  shows that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years!

  Falling in-love is not real love for the following reasons:

  • Falling in-love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice.
  • Falling in-love is effortless.
  • Falling in-love is not focused on fostering growth development of one other.  Rather, it gives us the sense that we have arrived and that we do not need further growth.  We are at the apex of lif's happiness, and our only desire is to stay there.

  Falling in-love is a "genetically determined instinctual component of mating behavior".  In other words, says Dr. M Scott Peck in "The Road Less Travelled", it is the temporary collapse of ego boundaries that constitutes falling in love is a stereotypic response of human beings to configuration of internal sexual drives and external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase the probability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhance the survival of the species"

  Since falling in-love is not real love, then we ought to recognize the in-love experience for what it was (a temporary emotional high) and now pursue "real love" with our spouse.

  Real love unites reason and emotion.  It involves an act of will and requires effort and discipline, and recognizes the need for personal growth.

Five Investment strategies:

• Words of Affirmation

  Solomon said: "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Pr.18:21).  He also noted: "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up" (Pr. 12:25)

  These could be:

  • Verbal Complements
  • Encouraging words
  • Kind words
  • Humble words

  Be careful of the various dialects.  Many intend to say the nicest things only to be misunderstood and turn a pleasant moment into a fight. 

   

• Quality Time

  That is giving someone your undivided attention.  A central aspect of quality time is togetherness.  I do not mean proximity ... Togetherness has to do with focused attension.

  To invest in quality time you need the following:

  • Togetherness
  • Quality conversations
  • Learn to talk
  • Adapt to his/her personality type 

   

• Receiving gifts

  If your spouse's primary love market is receiving gifts then become the best gift fiver you can be.  Here are some types of gifts:

  • Gifts of monetary value
  • The Gift of Self:  The physical presence in the time of need is the most powerful gift you can give.

   

• Acts of Service

  The best example of the life of service is Jesus Christ who went around doing good.  What was significant about His service is His love.  That is why He washed the feet of His disciples.

  St. Paul summarizes this by saying "Serve one another in love" (Gal. 5:13)

  Here are a few things to be watchful of:

  • Requests give direction to love but demands stop the flow of love
  • Doormat vs. Lover

   

• Physical Touch

  Physical touch can make or break a relationship.  It can communicate hate or love

   

It is up to study the market and learn more about what strategy works better for your spouse.  For some, all of the above ... for others, perhaps two or three are significant to them.  Base your strategy accordingly.  Invest as much as you can, with no hesitation, for the rewards are great.

Spend some time to write your spouses primary market type and what strategy works best with him/her.  Then list the others in order of importance.

We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary market and what strategies work best if we are to be effective communicators of Love

Meeting my spouse's need for love is a choice I make each day.

Remember, if an action, that pleases your spouse doesn't come natural to you, it is a greater investment for it is a greater expression of love

Investments require patience.  If love is low and you make an investment and don't feel a return right away, make the investment anyway.  The time will come when you will be rewarded abundantly